Top Ten New Firecrackers: Explosive Stinkers and Winners to Welcome 2014

Wazzup Pilipinas!

We can now say farewell to "Goodbye Gloria", "Pacquiao" and "Bin Laden" - among many other banned firecrackers.

They were last year's popular firecrackers. This year-ender's explosive new firecrackers are now names as "Goodbye Napoles" and "Yolanda".

Whoa! I'm just not so sure if Janette Napoles would leave a bigger bang than Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's namesake, but isn't the "Yolanda" a bit insensitive. I guess nobody would want to lit up something named after the typhoon that killed thousand of our countrymen from the Visayas.

Yeah...maybe it was so devastating enough to destroy many lives and properties, including the survivors' hopes and dreams, but I won't dare touch something that will just bring out strong emotions that may cause despair especially to the survivors of the calamity.

I would prefer we don't get our hands on those damn firecrackers that may bring more harm than casting away evil spirits. How could we be so dumb to believe in a superstition made up by our ancestors with their little knowledge of reality so they can scare off their little kids to go early to bed and keep doing good.

If it can't be avoided (because we are just too stupid to accept that we are juist wasting our money and risking our  health and lives) maybe it would be better if we just name the noise-making threats to our happy life with the real top ten big stinkers and winners (in no particular order) that made the news:

1. "Pork Barrel" - This is the biggest cause of corruption and why many go into politics - for the kickbacks and prosperous VIP life surrounded by money they can spend leisurely and disguise as donated to NGOs.

2. "Korina Sanchez" - She was probably just depending her DILG Secretary husband Mar Roxas when Anderson Cooper revealed how slow the relief and rescue efforts in the typhoon Yolanda areas were happening - or not happening. CNN backed up their star correspondent and Korina was rumored to go on forced leave.

3. "Miss Philippines" - Our ladies reign high as winning candidates for the many beauty pageants done throughout the year. The latest of which was Miss Philippines Koreen Medina for winning 3rd place at the Miss Intercontinental.

4. "Mar Roxas" - His bickering with the Tacloban mayor gave the people the impression that he was more concerned of how people will perceive his government rather than proving help to a ravaged land. The people of Tacloban were desperately seeking relief and would not concern themselves with political agendas.

5. "Tanda, Pogi at Sexy" - Three bombs in one representing the three biggest crocodiles of the Senate  that would surpass the size of Lolong. Unlike Lolong who died recently, these three will sadly still be with us for a long time since they have enough PDAF for a stem-cell treatment.

6. "Brenda" - nickname of Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago, that loud-mouth cursing bitch who loves to do pick-up lines for the youth, but hates the old man "may asim pa" Juan Ponce Enrile. She really expresses her feelings since they are protected in their privilege speeches.

7. "Bohol Quake" - A magnitude 7.2 earthquake struck the island of Bohol perishing many lives and damaging a lot of properties.

8. "Serendra" - A fatal explosion at the Two Serendra condominium complex located at the Bonifacio Global City. Rumors has it that it was similar to what happened at the Glorietta mall in Ayala Center where a gas leak caused the explosion.

9.  "MILF of Zamboanga" - The Moro International Liberation Front caused chaos in Zamboanga while everyone were still sending their hates to Janet Lim Napoles. Many thought it was a diversion tactic so the people will leave Napoles alone.

10. "Million People March" - Though it never really reached a million, the movement was indicative of how people are really disgusted upon learning of how our lawmakers and government officials were wasting taxes for personal gain.